Newt!

You may recall that I have been trying hard to keep politics out of this blog. And more or less succeeding.

However, lately I’ve been really missing Newt Gingrich, “advocate of civilization, definer of civilization, teacher of the Rules of Civilization, organizer of the pro-civilization activists, leader (possibly) of the civilizing forces”.

And then, like manna from heaven, a friend has sent me a speech that Newt just gave in November.

Now, you may think that in giving you representative samples of Newt’s latest oratory, I am taking quotes out of context. I would counter-assert that Newt always sounds like he’s talking out of context. Feel free to read the whole speech and decide for yourself.

Onto the samples:

…I had been particularly impressed by a new book… called Troublesome Young Men, which is a study of the younger [British] Conservatives who opposed appeasement in the 1930s and who took on Chamberlain… they were severely punished and isolated by Chamberlain and the Conservative machine, and as I read that, I realized that that’s really where we are today.

[Yes, that’s exactly where we’re at today. In the United States today, those who believe we should take on Al Qaeda are being severely punished and isolated by the all-powerful pro-Al Qaeda pansy elite. That’s exactly what’s happening!]

[You can see why I’ve missed Newt.]

…[W]e just published polls… Last Wednesday we posted six national surveys, $428,000 worth of data. We gave it away. I found myself in the unique position of calling Howard Dean to tell him I was giving him $400,000 worth of polling. We have given it away to both Democrats and Republicans. It is fundamentally different from the national news media. [Here it comes…] When asked the question “Do we have an obligation to defend the United States and her allies?” the answer is 85 percent yes. When asked a further question “Should we defeat our enemies?” – it’s very strong language – the answer is 75 percent yes, 75 to 16.

[Unfortunately his poll somehow failed to ask the logical follow-on questions: “Are puppies cute?”, “Are rainbows pretty?”, and “Should we be nice to our mommies?”]

…And if you look at who some of the largest owners of some of our largest banks are today, they’re Saudis.

[What if they blow up our ATM machines? What then???]

…I mean, Ahmadinejad may say terrible things, he may lock up students, he may kill journalists, he may say, “We should wipe out Israel,” he may say, “We should defeat the United States,” but after all, what has he done that’s inappropriate? What has he done that wouldn’t be repeated at a Hollywood cocktail party or a nice gathering in Europe?

[I have got to go to more Hollywood cocktail parties and nice gatherings in Europe.]

…I happened the other night to be watching an old movie, To Live and Die in L.A., which is about counterfeiting. But the movie starts with a Secret Service agent who is defending Ronald Reagan in 1985, and the person he is defending Ronald Reagan from is a suicide bomber who is actually, overtly a Muslim fanatic. Now, six years after 9/11, you could not get that scene made in Hollywood today.

[Absolutely not — Hollywood has made no practice of presenting movie viewers with an unrelenting stream of Middle Eastern bad guys.]

…Our enemies don’t get up each morning and go, “Oh, gosh, I think I’ll have an existential crisis of identity in which I will try to think through whether or not we can be friends while you’re killing me.” Our enemies get up every morning and say, “We hate the West. We hate freedom.”

[You know it had to come around to freedom-hating sooner or later.]

…I was once interviewed by a BBC reporter, a nice young lady who was only about as anti-American as she had to be to keep her job. Since it was a live interview, I turned to her halfway through the interview and I said, “Do you like your job?” And it was summertime, and she’s wearing a short-sleeve dress. And she said, “Well, yes.” She was confused because I had just reversed roles. [Newt is very, very clever that way.] I said, “Well, then you should hope we win.” She said, “What do you mean?” And I said, “Well, if the enemy wins, you won’t be allowed to be on television.”

[And to think that up to that point, that woman would have been content to surrender her short-sleeve dress to the terrorists! Poor, deluded foreigners.]

I don’t know how to explain it any simpler than that.

[Me neither.]